exams are over.. today was the lat paper but the fact that emptiness still fills my heart.. i miss her so much.. but no words can forgive all the wrongs i committed on her.. why is it i am unable to detect my wrong doings.. didnt hear her well enough... feel so frustrated and just angry on myself.. no one to confide to but just to keep it to myself.. guess wat goes around comes around.. the fact that i m my father's son and i feel that im slowly becoming my father.. no doubt i promise myself not to turn to be like him only to follow the good he has done.. everyday im fighting... i cant cry.. always running away hoping that the next day is gonna be alright but it aint alright... i guess this is a test from god on my strength.. and i will hold on... the light is still there and i m holding on.... my time will come... and i will prove to them that i can do it all by myself.. ya im all alone now.. my frens can only see the good things in me but not seeing that i m actually struggling to keep afloat.. struggling is wat her dad sees in me too.... who am i proving to anyway.... life i so unpredictable when a lady tried to commit suicide by jumping off the building and landed just below and i felt helpless unable to help her... she was still breathing though... people shouted at me saying why was i just standing there not helping her.. but she landed in a sslp position which helps to clear her airway and that i dont dare to move her fearing that she might suffer from spinal injury and one move can be fatal if i move her... i explain to them, but people just ignore... i clear the debris around her with a helping neighbour for ease passage for the paramedics to tend to her... and i m guilty feeling that i should have done more... but could i have done more... i m someone who dont deserve to be help... it is a curse bounded to the name my grandma gave me....i can only express it in words..and i m sorry to evryone i ever hurt...